Aphrodite of Knidos, originator of “come-hither”

So for those of you who do not know, I am absolutely in love with Greek art, architecture, and mythology. Currently in pursuit of my minor in art history, I am taking an Art of Ancient Greece class. I have learned many interesting things in this class, and I would like to share at least one of these things with the general public.

I give you, Aphrodite of Knidos. She was sculpted by Praxiteles around 350 BC.

Now you’re probably wondering why you should even give two fiddle sticks about this sculpture. Allow me to enlighten you .

In antiquity, this sculpture is mention 19 times. Yes that is a big number. This sculpture was so popular, that it was actually put on to coins.  Wait… here comes the big one…. This… is a Goddess (Aphrodite, Goddess of Love)… and she is NUDE. For those of you who do not know, in most cases, if one were to see a Goddess nude, they would instantly be killed or at very least blinded or horrifically maimed. So here we have this cult statue (meant to be worshiped in a temple) of Aphrodite who is nude.

And now for more fun.

Though she is nude, she appears to be “modest” by covering up her… whatnot. Also, she is not looking directly at the viewer, supposedly in bashfulness. However, as you walk around the statue (as you are subtly encouraged to do by the sneaky movement lines that Praxiteles created), you discover that Aphrodite is no longer being quite so modest (did I mention that this was the first Greek cult statue that you could see from 360 degrees?).

Whoops! All of a sudden, Aphrodite isn’t being so modest or bashful! Not only is she no longer covering herself, she is now looking DIRECTLY AT YOU. Are you wondering why she is doing this? It is because YOU are now her LOVER. That’s right, you are now the lover of a Goddess. How are you not dead right now? I have no flipping idea.

Tags: aphrodite goddess of love

Can’t really think of a good title right now

First off, welcome back to the game sister. I’m glad that your lobotomy was a success and you can now be a functioning member of society. Secondly, I will too be a real redhead some day (*runs off awkwardly and trips over a table*)! While you have been playing Waldo in cool TV shows, I have been getting my educations on and doing pretty much nothing. Right now I’m on my month long winter break from the University of Iowa. I think my sanity is almost intact again so hopefully by the time classes start in a couple of weeks, I will be ready to have it shattered again.

At least for spring semester, most of my classes are art related, which means they are actually enjoyable. Plus, for the first time ever, I have somehow managed to not have any classes on Friday. How awesome is that?

That’s actually about all I got right now. I just woke up so my dear brain is not yet full speed ahead. I also have not showered yet. Yeah. Ew.

It’s on. Like Donkey Kong.

All right, time for a little sibling banter, don’t you think? Is is LAUREL, by the way. Yes, LAUREL is writing a post in her own blog. First time since June, thank you very much. I let Janelle take over for a bit because she was begging. I can’t stand it when she begs. Puppy eyes. So now that she has had a chance to introduce herself and up my readership, I think we can officially begin: this is the SISTER VS. SISTER DUEL. Kind of like banjos.

Like this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba5GW9DjHxE My favorite part is where the girl hates her father the entire time. What’s yours?

Actually, Janelle and I are not that cool. She put it best though when she said that if we have a blog together, it’ll be the closest to having our own reality show that we’ll ever get. GTL, kids.

So, to get this started off right, I shall reply to Janelle’s last post in a mocking manner. Your hair smells like cherry cough syrup? Well maybe you should stop using it to dye your hair, chucktard. You’ll never be a true redhead, no matter how hard you try. BAM. And really, you don’t want to be perceived as a fire crotch. Any references to Lindsay Lohan are baaaad. You’re welcome for this sisterly advice.

As for me, I’ve spent the past several months working my ass off in one way or another. I worked at a club called Icon for several months until business started to die and the management got overall too shitty. At the same time I did a lot of background work and got to be on a whole handful of major shows, like CSI: Las Vegas, Bones, The Mentalist, Harry’s Law, Body of Proof, and Modern Family, to name a few. I had a blast working on those, especially CSI, but TV background only pays $8/hr. In December, I discovered commercial background >:D Commercial BG is usually at least $10/hr, but I’ve been lucky and gotten much higher rates than that. So if you’re doing the math, at least two TV jobs can equal just one commercial job. So I’ve made the shift and have gone where the rates are higher. It’s not quite as much fun as TV, and there’s less of a chance for people to play the “Where’s Waldo” game to find me on TV, but it’s what needs to happen for the moment. I’m now diligently working on getting a new agent/manager in the next couple weeks, so once that happens, that will lead to bigger and better auditions, which will *cross your fingers* lead to speaking parts. Gahhh. YES. And in the interim I am now working at a restaurant called Lulu’s. It’s American, almost diner style but not. Very tasty, inexpensive, lots of business, great co-workers, and the potential for decent money. I like.

I suppose that will wrap it up for now. Your turn, Janelleface

Hmmmm…

My hair smells like cherry cough syrup. Should I be concerned about this?

Feeling Ugly?

We have all had those days. Days when you wake up in the morning and your breath smells, and tastes like an ashtray and old Chinese food, your hair looks like you decided to stick a fork in a light socket, your face has erupted in an angry red mountain range, and you smell like you’ve been doing peasant level, hard labor in the boiling sun all day. Chances are, that you think you look like this…

No amount of makeup, showing, perfume/cologne, mouthwash, or deodorant will help you feel any better about yourself. When you walk down the street, you can just feel people staring at you in disgust, whispering to their friends about how awful you look…. But relax! Chances are, you look something more like this…

See? Not nearly as bad as before, right? So, instead of looking like a cave troll from Lord of the Rings, you actually look more like an abandoned, kicked puppy that has frizzy hair and a couple of zits (just for the record, this is a photo of me, so I am allowed to make fun of it all I want).

Now, what to do about feeling ugly? Well most of us, including myself, would probably just  grab some chocolate or some other kind of comfort food and mow down at the first given opportunity. However (wait while I climb onto my soapbox), what you really need is a nap. So pop in some relaxing music, grab your favorite snuggle buddy (be it person, stuffed animal, or pet), a big warm blanket, and catch some z’s. After your wonderful little coma, chances are you will no longer feel like a cave troll (if you still do well then that sucks for you). So now, hopefully you look more like this, aka normal…

But no, you will not look like me. Silly silly.

Hilarious.

I am certain that I cannot be the only person to have this horrid affliction. What is this horrid  affliction you ask? *Sigh… okay… I’ll tell you. I…. Janelle… think I am way more hilarious than I actually am. As far as I am concerned, I may as well be God’s gift to comedy. Unfortunately, the rest of the world usually doesn’t think so.

Allow me to give you an example. I am currently a cashier at some hardware store. When I ask if people would like their items in a bag and they say  ”No, save the bag”, I sometime reply with “Way to save a plastic tree!”. Now, I think this is hilarious, because as you may or may not know, plastic trees don’t actually exist. There are a select few people who will chuckle at my little joke, but most of the time, it is met only with blank stares of confusion. Which means that I awkwardly return back to my work.

Another way that I think I am super funny is the actual act of telling jokes. Well, I used to think I was funny. I actually learned my lesson on this one. You see, I used to try telling these long, complicated, yet crying on the floor peeing your pants laughing jokes. I eventually quit doing this because I kept forgetting important parts of the jokes, or I would get really excited and speak at lightning speeds. Of course, this also resulted in awkward blank stares.

I have finally realized that my only hopes for being a comedic god is through writing, and accidentally. Hence tonight, I, without the intention of being funny or mean, said “Natalie Wood couldn’t carry a tune to save her life.” Didn’t realize that I had been funny until the person I was talking to started laughing. And so now, I leave you with this:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

The End of Fall Semester

Some people still have a final or two to study for. I, however, am now free. Let the celebratory burning of lecture notes begin (textbooks are way too expensive to burn)! Today, as any day, had its ups and downs. And by ups and downs, I means moments of insane elation and moments of wanting to rip my hair out and shout vulgarities in a church.

Let’s begin. The day started out okay; woke up, had some cereal, got dressed, drove to school… the usual. After I got off work at the library, around 11:00 am, I decided to pop over to the dinning hall to grab a bit of lunch and read over my stats notes for the final that was in an hour. Once I had sat down with my food, about T-40 until my final, I discovered that I did not have my stats notes with me. Not a single notebook, piece of paper, or textbook was to be found. Now, you be be thinking “Oh no! Did someone steal your stats book???”. No. Nope. This one’s all on me. Plus, who in their right mind would steal a stats book? Especially one that has pomegranate juice on it. This one’s all on me. I was incredibly absentminded this morning, and even though I had all my supplies neatly stacked up and ready to go, I only grabbed the thing that was on top of the stack. My calculator. But of course, when I came upon this discovery, my first thought was a word that I will replace with “FFFfffffffffffruitcake!!”. This was shortly followed by “I am so screwed” mode, and then by a refreshing “What! There is hope yet!” mode. Thankfully, I have friends. To be specific, I have friends in my stats class. These friends were kind enough to let me copy down some of their formulas. To these people, I wish you all the unicorns and rainbows you desire.

So after my near death experience with stats, I decided to tromp on over to one of my favorite coffee places. This is where I attempted to study for my ed. psych. final later in the evening. While casually sipping my delicious coffee beverage, and sitting with feline-like grace in a plush chair, I realized that I was making very odd and animated faces while reading my textbook. No, I was not making my usual stupid cross-eyed faces. They were more like the facial expressions you would make if you were having a very engrossing conversation with someone who was telling a very dramatic story. Now, imagine the facial expressions, and imagine those facial expressions on someone who is reading a textbook. Pretty sure people probably thought I was on crack.

After this bout of facially animated studying, and being later joined by two good friends of mine, I headed off to a “Going Away” dinner with some other very good friends of mine (3 out of 4 of my closest friends are studying abroad next semester, so sad faces). This dinner was very typical for us. There was loud and spontaneous laughter, the spilling of large glasses of water due to exuberant hand motions, the discussion as to whether or not Dorothy was tripping balls when she was in Oz, and stories of extremely awkward situations. I am going to miss these girls.

Finally, 7 o’clock reared its ugly head and it was time to go take my last final for the day (this is why I’m posting this so late). Overall, it went as well as it could have. There were no instances of a student freaking out and running out of the classroom crying. But, walking out of that classroom after handing in my test…. I… felt… AMAZING!! Not just “Yay I’m done now! Let’s do a little dance in the middle of the hallway” amazing. No. This was Shawshank Redemption, breaking out of prison after slowly tunneling your way out with a tiny pickaxe for years, amazing.

So. Now that I have survived this incredibly soul-sucking semester, I sit in the library’s computer lab, writing. I am surrounded by people who have yet to feel the level of awesomeness that I have, a guy who I am pretty certain has cracked because he keeps giggling insanely at his notes and making very bizarre faces at the computer monitor (not kidding), and a girl who I just caught staring directly at me. I stared back. Mistake. It was awkward. So now I bid you good night, I am going home!